Leafdays

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I feel ancient. More than that, I feel strange. I am not where I expected myself to be at 38. I’m not necessarily worse off—but I’m certainly different.

When I was younger, I saw my life as very work-focused. So I’d have expected to have a more successful job, one commanding more prestige than freelance writing for magazines and websites.

I suppose hadn’t factored in my husband having to move to Italy and me having to give up my corporate career so we could have a semblance of a household, albeit one that stretches between London and Milan.

I hadn’t banked on having children either. Oh, I knew they’d come at some stage in my life, but I never really had the maternity mystique so many women cultivate from their early twenties. Whereas now I find myself limiting my work commitments so I can spend more time with Nicco and Caterina.

And I certainly didn’t know I’d take up mixed media art and collage, even though I have always had a passion for crafting and have dabbled in candle-making, soap-moulding and salt dough in the past. Come to think of it, I didn’t even know mixed media art existed until a few years ago. The essence of my creative ambition was summed up by writing. More specifically writing a novel, which, for many reasons, including fundamental cowardice, I now believe I will never write.

I wish I could say that age brought me more maturity, more confidence or improved my ability to put things in perspective. So far, it has only brought some white strands of hair and the odd wrinkle. Perhaps it’s because I am not where I thought I’d be, but I have a nagging feeling that, in too many occasions, I have just gone with the flow—my life has lived me, rather than the other way round.

This time, however, I have grown tired of waiting for the years to deliver something on a plate. While I can’t complain about what I have—naughty but nice kids, a good husband, and a job that, though low-paying, is undoubtedly fun and flexible—I want to accomplish more with my life. So, this time, I am taking my future in my own hands. Starting now.

Kiss it better: Digital collage for Wednesday stamper challenge

This, in case you are wondering, has nothing to do with the rambling above. It’s my second interpretation of the Valentine theme, and also my entry for Wednesday stamper’s Kiss challenge. The stamp, which is admittedly hard to spot (hint: look at the bottom left hand corner), is by my favourite rubber stamp company, Oxford Impressions.